Superiority on a Toasted English Muffin

Mike & Patty’s

12 Church St. Boston, MA

Price: $4.00

Rating: 91/100

Fullness: Not ashamed

Throughout the Breakfast Crusade I embarked on this past October, I’ve come across the decent, the crummy and the tasteless. Very rarely, I encountered what could only be explained as a religious experience. I walked into Mike & Patty’s today, appropriately located on Church St. and had my eyes re-opened like one of those Born Again’s. Getting my sandwich was like the generic teen film scene when the music cuts out and the hot girl walks down the stairs to greet her nerdy prom date. Hot girl sandwich, me nerdy prom date. Ya’ll get it.

It prides me to announce The Boston Breakfast Sandwich Authority’s first 90+ breakfast sandwich: Mike & Patty’s “Bacon & Egg Classic”. Bacon was crispy (just the way he likes it), American cheese was gooey and the egg was fried with high standards. This egg was so fresh it might have fallen out of a hen’s be-hind just this morning. Wouldn’t surprise me one bit.

I actually ended up ordering a second Bacon & Egg Classic. This was a first for the Phantom. I think one would have sufficed any normal appetite, but the option for another was far too tempting to resist.

I had never heard of Mike & Patty’s until this morning on Yelp, and it was close enough for a March bike ride. I had a little bit of trouble finding it, but perhaps this was because it doesn’t have a sign out front. This added to the quaint overall feel (to be a food connoisseur you have to use words like “quaint” every once in awhile). When I finally found it and got in there I realized the reviews I read on Yelp weren’t kidding, it was teeny tiny. But by some sort of miracle of science they fit four girls behind the counter. Everyone was really friendly. I had the pleasant opportunity of meeting Patty and she had a few great suggestions for other sandwiches around the city. Thank you Patty!

I took some time to review the rest of the menu and there were plenty of other mouth-watering breakfast/lunch offerings. They also had a small selection of interesting drinks. I purchased a Ginger Brew soda to wash down the history-making sandwich.

If you’re serious about breakfast sandwiches, consider a pilgrimage to Mike & Patty’s on Church St. in Boston’s Bay Village!

The Maple Monster

-2 Eggo’s

-2 Eggs (Scrambled)

-a healthy helping of ham

-1 slice American cheese

-maple syrup

Ever since I first fell in love with McDonalds’ tasty McGriddle, I’ve been inspired attempt my own. Being too ashamed to order more than one, I would gobble up every precious maple infused morsel of that teasingly small sandwich. It wasn’t until I read Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell a few years ago that I realized other people were equally drawn to it.

So today I set out to make my own. The idea has been rattling around my brain and I’ve been trying to determine the best way to go about it. Buying maple infused Eggo’s seemed like too obvious a solution. Why fake it when you can use real (fake) maple syrup from the bottle? A little unknown fact about myself, I’m a lifelong fake maple syrup user.

I decided to go with Buttermilk Eggo’s and ham for the meat option. I scrambled two eggs and went with one slice of white American cheese. The Eggo’s weren’t quite the kind of quality I chose to remember from my childhood, but they sufficed.

After finishing my sandwich (which was delicious as expected), I thought there were two things I would have done differently. One, toast the waffles more thoroughly. These things are bone dry and ready to absorb any type of moisture they come in contact with so make them extra toasted or they’ll just get flip-floppy. Also, go ahead and be generous with the amount of ham. Life’s too short to skimp on these sorts of things.

Better Movie than a Sandwich

The Breakfast Club

270 Western Ave., Allston, MA

Price: $5.97 (plus tip)

Rating: 55/100

Fullness: not the type you’re proud of

While cruising around Brighton in my Edible Arrangements van this afternoon, I felt a little rumble in the old spare tire (around my waist) so I stopped into The Breakfast Club diner on Western Ave. I stepped up to the empty counter and ordered a bacon, egg & cheese on a bagel. The girl put in the order and then I told her “make that bacon crispy, please.” She said “sure, no problem” and dropped back into the kitchen where she placed my request with the cook. Then in plain view started running her fingers through his hair scratching his scalp like an attention starved dog. Lord knows the amount of dander that was released into the air. For the sake of my appetite though, I tried to ignored this...

After 10 minutes or so, the man-puppy packaged up my BEC and a side of homefries in a to-go tray and I returned back to the van. Two or three bites into my meal, I looked up for a moment to take a breath. To my dismay, I witnessed the very same hands that made my sandwich being stuffed between the backseats of a mid-size SUV. Trash cans saddled up next to the car filled with food wrappers and coffee cups and a vacuum cleaner already inside. It appeared as though this project had begun long before I got there…

Anyways, the sandwich.

I might have given it a “not bad” if I was able to ignore the unappetizing events that The Breakfast Club had to offer. The bacon was plentiful, but reheated. The egg was real and fried. The bagel was soft inside, although somewhat over toasted on the outside. And the cheese was cheesy. It was one of those sandwiches you don’t jump to tell people about, but it got the job done just fine.

For some reason I always look at old diners so fondly with that folded metal exterior, but it’s the same crap every time. Greasy cooks and standard make-your-chest-hurt breakfast. Next time I see a roadside diner I think I’ll keep driving.

_Bacon Phantom

"If he gets up... we'll all get up... it'll be anarchy!"

Mama mia! Italy invades Vermont via Western Mass

Bruschetta’s

365 College Ave., Southwick, MA

Price: $3.25 (plus tax)

Rating: 80/100

Fullness: Yessir

I was steered in the right direction the other day while visiting my girlfriend’s family out in Western Mass. I encountered a little diamond in the rough called Bruschetta’s in Southwick, MA (opened not too long ago). Despite being rookies in the game, these folks banged out sandwiches with ferocity. I ordered a “New Englander”, which boasted a preformed egg (I know…), sausage patty and plenty of white cheddar. This freshman sandwich stood out from the crowd by pouring maple syrup all over itself in a flavor-frenzy.

What else would an Italian place called Bruschetta’s serve their breakfast sandwich on but a panini? This is far from a complaint, though. Lightly pressed and perfectly chewy, the panini rounded up the entire experience by making it a real meal. If I could change anything about this sandwich, or anything in life really, I would have switched out the preformed egg for a couple real eggs (obviously).

The sandwich was overwhelmingly organized, as you might be able to tell from the photo. This isn’t the worst thing in the world, but I don’t always appreciate a self-conscious sandwich. Let it hang out a little, get a bit messy, maybe take a risk and over-cheese rather than measure it out like a chemical equation.

The New Englander was smoking hot and wasn’t afraid to flaunt it. Kidding, but seriously, the temperature was right, the sausage patty wasn’t filled with bone chips, the cheese was present without trying to steal the show and the syrup accented everything nicely. Oh and did I mention these crafty Italians sprinkled some parsley on the egg as well? Mama mia!

Bruschetta’s featured a number of Italian inspired breakfast sandwiches. If I recall correctly, I believe there was even one made with pesto? Not something I would have ever imagined, but I love pesto so I would try it on just about anything.

Closing thoughts: next time in Southwick, I will not hesitate to return for round two with a sandwich so lovingly named after my home.

Big Bacon Hopes in Needham Heights

Café Fresh Bagel

896 Highland Ave., Needham, MA

Price: $4.50 (plus tax)

Rating: 81/100

Fullness: the way a breakfast sandwich is intended.

There were more pairs of UGG boots here than types of bagels, which is hard to imagine at this Needham Heights bagel kingdom. Café Fresh Bagel felt like I walked into something between an awkward mid-pubescent school dance and Chubby’s from Boy Meets World. Equally difficult to adjust to was the front door that was swung wide open most of the time I was there, leaving me at the mercy of the elements.

I nabbed a couple Orangina’s and placed my order with a grumpy little bird behind the counter. While waiting for my sandwich I glanced around for an open table without any luck. This place was packed to the gills and I couldn’t see any opportunities in sight. After a squawking group of hens were done hogging half the tables, my old man and I were able to squeeze a cheek and enjoy one of the finest quality breakfast sandwiches I’ve seen around.

I got my bacon, egg, and (American) cheese sandwich on a ultra fresh onion bagel with onion bits on the top and bottom. The option of provolone or Swiss was also presented to me, but Swiss is one line that I don’t cross. There was no question that the pile of eggs on there was 100% real. Maybe 2 or 3 fried eggs, which were a little browned and prepared in an omelet fashion. The bacon was a little flabby, but I guess I didn’t request it crispy so I can’t complain too much. Also, the majority of it was shifted to one side which made eating the other side a little uneventful. The sandwich was scorching hot to begin with, but the 40 MPH gusts blowing through the café took care of that issue pretty quick.

Blistering winds and high school flashbacks aside, this place was great. I obviously loved that they make their own bagels, and I definitely appreciated the omelet style approach to the breakfast sandwich. I would suggest that you always prepare bacon crispally (….sp?) unless requested otherwise and also ensure that it is equally distributed throughout the sandwich. However, these are not major issues considering the big picture of their high quality and hot ingredients.

After finishing my sandwich, it was no surprise why this place was so popular, but I think next time I’ll bring a cattle prod to avoid any table issues.

Double Deck of Eat IT

Coolidge Corner Clubhouse

307 Harvard St., Brookline

Price: $8.99

Rating: 80/100

Fullness: not $9 worth, but gratified.

Before hibernating all afternoon, I filled up my reserves at the Coolidge Corner Clubhouse. This is one of my favorite places in the area. I’ve eaten their burger and curly fries and was very pleased so I thought I would try them out for breakfast.

I scanned the menu and saw a number of delicious options. I was torn for awhile between the Egg Sandwich and the Breakfast Quesadilla. I decided $10.99 was way too much to spend on breakfast so I went with the Egg Sandwich. In hindsight, I’d be very curious to see what they do with the quesadilla, which come with salsa and homefries. Perhaps another day…

My meal took a respectable amount of time and when it came out, everything was a good temperature and ready for inspection. As you can see from the photo, they don’t spoil you with homefries. Nevertheless, they were very good. The description on the menu was “2 fried eggs, ham, bacon & cheese club-style on wheat bread”. I guess I didn’t realize what they meant by “club style” and was very surprised when it first came out.

It was clear from the start that whoever made this sandwich took their time with it. It was put together very nicely and had an equal amount of contents distributed amongst the quadrants. The first floor of this sandwich was a fried egg with 3 or 4 strips of bacon and a slice of white cheddar. Whatever skimping occurred with the homefries was made up for in the sandwich. The bacon was crispy and full of flavor and the cheddar added a nice subtleness to it. Dividing the two layers was a third piece of toast, which I hadn’t expected, but was pleased to see. The second deck was a healthy amount of ham, another fried egg and some more cheddar.

When I focused I could discern each of the flavors, but overall the different elements blended very well. Typically I don’t like to mix meats, but obviously since bacon and ham originate from the same animal, I was open to this. I prefer to stick with one animal. This hasn’t always been the case, though. When I was younger I used to go to the deli and get as many different kinds of meat I could and pile them all on one sandwich. No cheese - no vegetables – no condiments, speeding down a Sodium super highway.

Breakfast sandwiches generally have 3 animal products, totally refuting my point about sticking to one animal at a time. But this is one of the exceptions in my reformed life. This sandwich had a lot of good things going for it. I love ham and cheese sandwiches, and this came through in part. Also, the bacon was perfect. The sandwich had a homemade feel to it.

Complaints: club sandwiches are generally enormous, which is why they require being quartered. This sandwich was a good size, but by no means was it enormous. So the whole club idea was used as a sort of novelty. Also, the crust on club sandwiches tend to slash the corners of my mouth like a Chicago Smiley. I do not like this so if I could suggest one thing to the chef it would be to go easier on the toasting or maybe not toast at all?

I wouldn’t necessarily go to the Clubhouse for its prices, but check them out if you’re like me and you like your food made with a little TLC.

The Grand Slam Burrito

Denny's did something right for once when they came out with this elephant's you-know-what. I had the pleasure of trying the Grand Slam Burrito this Summer somewhere in Texas. I'd like to try and replicate it someday.