Egg Sucks, Cheese Sucks, Bacon Sucks

Panera Bread

201 Brookline Ave, Boston

Price: $4.07

Rating: 62/100

Fullness: cheated

Having finally recovered from last week’s stint at rock bottom, I hoisted myself up by my love handles today and ventured down to Panera Bread on Brookline Ave. Hesitant of any bakery/breakfast chains, I decided to take the advice of some fellow bacon fans and try their breakfast sandwich. I’ve always been an enormous fan of their bagels and was reminded of this while waiting in line shortly before 12 o’clock noon (breakfast cut-off). I approached the counter and asked the little lady behind the register whether I should have my sandwich on an Asiago or a French Toast bagel. Never hearing of this French Toast flavored bagel, I was curious whether it would feature any similarities to McD’s heavenly McGriddle. I put the decision in her hands and she chose the Asiago, which I was fine with.

True to Panera’s fashion, my name was being called moments after ordering. Fortunate for this blog, unfortunate for Panera, I was able to watch the entire assembling process from floppy start to flimsy finish. I looked on as “Alicia” slapped down a postage stamp size slice of Vermont cheddar followed by a reheated wet egg disk, then nailed it with another cheddar stamp and two slices of bacon jerky.

Allowing customers to watch their food get prepared is a risky idea. The girl kept returning to what looked like some sort of filing cabinet to retrieve my sandwich contents. Letting me see this was mistake number one. Unappetizing mistake number two: I didn’t order a barbecue chicken melt so don’t use the Panini press to reheat my $4 breakfast sandwich. I want my bagel toasted and at least one of the ingredients to be hot enough to melt the cheese.

The sandwich sounds good on paper: Asiago bagel, one real egg, two slices of Vermont cheddar, and two strips of non-flabby bacon. The truth was, the only flavor to speak of was coming from the bagel itself. This is a bad sign no matter what kind of sandwich you’re talking about.

One last quick note about that “non-flabby bacon,” bacon jerky on its own isn’t a bad idea. But you’re not going to win me over when bacon is getting dragged out by my teeth in the first bite.

I gave you a chance Panera Bread and you gave me bacon jerky on a wet egg. Stick to what you do best and keep that broccoli cheddar comin’.