A Royal(e) Swing and a Miss

Espresso Royale Caffe

736 Commonwealth Ave, Boston

Price: $4.12

Rating: 40/100

Fullness: Pissed

In continuing my search, I followed a lead from my good friend Priscilla whose taste in food I used to trust (explanation to follow). I found myself in Espresso Royale Caffe down Comm Ave near BU around 8AM this morning.

When I approached the barista about their breakfast sandwich selection, she listed off the many options for bagels as well as their small (yet impressive) selection for cheeses (America, cheddar, havarti, and Swiss). Having never heard of havarti and loathing Swiss, I thought I’d switch things up from my usual American and chose to try cheddar. This is where the fun ended.

I ordered my sandwich on an onion bagel and opted for one egg (which was real) even though they offered the option of two eggs for an additional price (which in hind-sight, I should have asked for as one barely sufficed.)

The sandwich took about 8 minutes or so to be served up. Usually I’d give points for this, but I wasn’t sure if this was due to the barista paying close attention to my sandwich or rather the result of attention that involves a deficit disorder.

Upon first inspection of my sandwich, I noticed that the little onion pieces could be found both on the top and the bottom of my toasted bagel, which I had never seen before and did appreciate. Unfortunately this was just about all that seemed appetizing about the meal other than the two slices of cheddar that it featured. The bagel was slightly stale, which surprised me considering how early it was. When I took a look at the bacon to see what I was dealing with, I noticed that it was circular cut instead of strips, which turned out to be flavorless. The only flavor that could be found was in the cheddar and there was more of that than the paper-thin egg wafer.

I sat surrounded by the hipster décor just trying to make my way through the sandwich. I was searching for anything good to say about it when the very same barista responsible for this mess started in on a story about her dog pissing on her bed and her cats rolling around in it.

I decided to cut this leg of the journey short and left the last few bites on my plate for the rats out back. Walking out of Espresso Royale Caffe, I remembered that this was the kind of crap that forced me to start this blog.